What does “joy” feel like in your body? For me, it is a “bubble in the chest” type of sensation, accompanied by a zinging effervescence running from pelvis to rib cage. This physical sensation is often accompanied by a feeling of limitless possibility and, for me, it is usually brought on by the prospect of writing. Especially for an audience. (I’ve missed you!)
When I write I experience what psychologists have come to call “flow,” a complete immersion and loss of time. Often, when I am writing, I suddenly come to my senses with the realization that I am hungry, cold, or surrounded by chaos, but blissfully unaware.
I have a secret to tell you… I have written 23 unpublished blog posts in the past year.
Why?
During my cancer experience I felt supported and embraced through my blog. Having cancer gave me courage and changed my perspective. Weird, right?! But when I was struggling through cancer treatments and wondering how my life would ever get back to some semblance of “normal,” I didn’t care about all the trivial things that normally hold one back from doing something different.
Publishing a blog before cancer was a definite no-no for me. Who did I think I was, after all? But when I had cancer, I didn’t worry about what people may think of me. My health status opened some strange portal into a world of just doing what I wanted. I had never experienced that before. My own needs came ahead of what others would think – wow! It was honestly liberating. Which is one of the silver linings of the terrible dark-cloud experience that was stage 3 colorectal cancer.
Emerging from the cancer experience and realizing that I had my normal human status back was strange. How could I continue to write a blog now? What did I have to say that anyone would want to hear? Had I exploited my terrible unfortunate illness in some twisted way? I have to confess, I became mired in self-doubt and even regret at ever having published a blog at all.
I convinced myself that I did not need to write anymore, and even told myself a story about how my writing dreams were stealing my mental energy. I needed to give up these dreams and focus on building my health back up, returning to my education job, and getting my private practice up and running. (I may have had too much on my plate, especially considering we were navigating a pandemic at the same time.)
It is funny how we tell ourselves lies and try to believe them. We can even convince ourselves for a while, but our bodies will tell us the truth if we will let them. More on that at a later date!
Some very kind readers have reached out to me over the past year or so and asked if I was going to return to blogging. At first I thought I would, and then I thought I never would…. But now, at the behest of my joyful chest bubble, I am making the choice to do it for today.
When my critical voice asks “Who do you think you are?” while I’m walking down High Street admiring the reflection of my favourite boots in a shopfront window, I will beware the dark mood it totes along behind it. I will confront that judgemental thought and tell it I’m done crushing my own dreams.
New learning for today: We don’t have to have cancer (or live in an alternate universe) to face our fears and embrace our desires.
Book therapy: Finding your own North Star by Martha Beck. What a great gift from my thoughtful friend, Krista, a.k.a. Mabel 😉
So grateful for: “Yoga with Adrienne.” Every year I do (parts of, on my own time) the free 30-day yoga challenge she provides on Youtube. She is definitely a mentor and muse for me. This year’s theme is Movement and I completed Day One while my handsome husband was brewing our coffee this morning. What a great way to start the day!! If you are looking for a mood lift or shift, some mind/body connection, or just want to relieve the soreness of a bad back, I totally recommend Yoga with Adrienne!
What a wonderful way to greet the new year, with a beautiful blog post by Janine Cutting. Another inspirational piece by Janine, reminding us how important it is to be who we want to be.
Being who we want to be and listening to our internal compass is so important – it comes naturally to you, I admire that so much in you. Thank you for always being here, much love!!
I find great joy in your words before, during and after cancer. You have a beautiful gift please continue to share. 😘
Thank you so much, Shelley, for reading and sending this wonderful comment. It really buoys me up on this journey 🙂
I love you, Beautiful Janine 🤗
Awww, love you too, dear friend 🙂
Brava, Janine! Welcome back! So delighted you’re following that traveling bubble.
Can’t wait to read all those unpublished blog posts.
And who the hell are any of us to presume our thoughts and words have merit? It’s a leap of faith for sure—but you have a lively mind and lovely writing style. So yes: please write on!
A super way to start the new year.
So great to hear from you, Annie! It is a leap of faith to put our words and thoughts out into the world for sure… it is a leap I often struggle with… but knowing you are out there reading truly helps. I missed your friendship and this community. I’m so happy to be back!! I have a lot of reading to catch up on, too! Looking forward to that.
Happy New Year 🙂
I’m so glad you returned to writing your blog!:-)
I’m so happy you took the time to read and comment today!! Thanks so, so much 🙂
Janine,
You continue to inspire and share a deep part of your soul that takes so much courage! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and making us feel less alone in this ever changing chaotic world. Don’t stop the flow! Let it flow out of you so we can all benefit!
Cheers your friend in crisis and the calm:)
Carrie
Thanks so much, Carrie! Your supportive comment means a lot to me. I was feeling pretty vulnerable and our connection helps to shake that feeling. Thanks so much for reading!
I’ve loved reading your blogs in the past and I am glad you are back to writing.
Thank you so much, I so appreciate you reading and the encouragement is so helpful😊
I always feel a calm come over me when I read your blog. We all need to put positive thoughts into the universe and be kinder to ourselves.
Thank you my friend.
Thank you so much, Nancy for your kind words and for taking the time to read my blog. It means so much to me❤️
Please never underestimate the power of words…and more specifically, the inspiration in your words. Doubt makes us human; courage creates dreamers and dancers and poets and… and…and… courage simply affords others to accept you own your space, thereby inspiring others to own theirs. Mucho love…
Beautifully said, Florence. Doubt makes us human and courage create artists…. Beautiful and so true!! Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my blog!
Thank-you Janine and welcome back!! I have missed your blogs…
I hope you had a great holiday season and look forward to seeing you again!!
Peter and I are in Florida now and heading to Kicking Horse January 20th. I am a little worried about crossing the border and all the restrictions but it is what it is and eventually I will get there!!
I will be there until April so come visit!!
Love,
Colette X0
Sent from my iPhone
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Thanks, Colette, for reading! I would love to come visit at some point:) Hopefully your travel will be uneventful. Enjoy Florida in the meantime!!
I wanted to thank you for this excellent read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it. I have got you book-marked to look at new stuff you postÖ
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